My (Toxic) Hero

John Waters will always be a hero of mine, but one I keep at great personal expense. The first time I ever saw a John Waters movie was in the early 1980's -- a college in Boston was screening "Female Trouble" and although at the time I knew nothing about him or his movies, the blurb I read made it sound interesting enough for me to make the trip in from the suburbs to check it out. My friend (OK, full disclosure -- girlfriend -- this was before I had acknowledged my own gayness) Sally and I went, and from those first moments of teenage Dawn Davenport "eating a meatball sandwich right out in class" I was totally hooked. It was one of those rare and exciting moments in life when you realize that you're not alone -- other people like you exist.

Sally and I were exhilarated after the screening, talking breathlessly about the film while we went back to the car, only to find that it had been stolen while we were in the theater. We spent the rest of the evening in the police station filling out reports.

And that's how John Waters has affected my life since then. I'm not blaming him, or holding him responsible in any way, but it seems like my dealings with him bring me great joy, but always end in tragedy. I don't know why. By 1994, I had long since left Sally and had been involved with a man named Chris for five years. We had our problems, but were basically happy -- I assumed. We found out that John Waters was appearing at an NYC comedy club, so Chris and I rushed out to get tickets. We were both looking forward to seeing him in person, and couldn't wait for the day to arrive. Then, a day before the show, completely out of the blue, Chris announced that he had been sleeping with another guy and that our relationship was over. I was devastated. My heart had been broken. The last thing we ever did as a couple was to go see... John Waters. To add insult to injury, I was so upset about the break-up, and feeling so uncomfortable about being there with Chris, that I still can't remember a single thing about the performance.

The next time I saw John Waters in person was a few years later. He was autographing DVD's at a local record store. He was kind and funny, and took time with each person, not rushing through the job, which only made me admire him more. I still have my autographed glossy 8x10. A day or two later, my boyfriend at the time announced that he needed to be free to explore a new relationship with a guy he had recently met.

So last week, John Waters was in town autographing copies of his newly released DVD "A Dirty Shame." I didn't go.

Another Example of Christian Love...

From BBC News:

Crucified nun dies in 'exorcism'

A Romanian nun has died after being bound to a cross, gagged and left alone for three days in a cold room in a convent, Romanian police have said. Father Daniel says the nun's death was justified

My Modest Proposal

I've been learning a lot from the Christian Fundamentalists. It seems that every day, I read another proposal from them on how our society should be run. Although I may disagree with their conclusions, I admit their methods are fascinating. So I started to think what I might propose if I were a Homosexual Fundamentalist living in a world that accepted such a viewpoint. Here are my ideas:

1.) CRIMINALIZE DIVORCE - Although I wouldn't go so far as to outlaw heterosexual marriage, I do think that "marriage between one man and one woman" should be more strictly enforced. Therefore, my rules state that you get one marriage per lifetime -- Period. All of those "second wives" (Nancy Reagan et al) are just sinful in the eyes of God. After all Adam didn't divorce Eve after the whole apple-eating fiasco.

2.) ANYONE MAY DEMAND THE REMOVAL OF BOOKS THEY CONSIDER OFFENSIVE FROM THEIR LOCAL LIBRARY - For instance, I really see no redeeming value in the "Left Behind" series, so by written request I can have all of them removed from circulation. Think of all the taxpayer money that could be saved with this rule! In the same vein:

3.) SCHOOLS MUST AMEND THIER CURRICULUM TO TRULY REFLECT COMMUNITY STANDARDS - Every Summer, all adults in the School District will receive a questionnaire asking things like "How do you think the world was created?" for the Science class, and "What is the great American novel?" for the English lit class. The school must then give equal class time and importance to teaching each person's response. How proud (and yes, a little envious) I will feel every time I see those youngsters reading Jacqueline Susann's "Valley of the Dolls" for the first time.

4.) RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION WILL BE MANDATORY IN SCHOOLS - EVERY religion, that is -- including belief systems like Atheism, Satanism, Hare Krshna and Scientology. As with rule 3, if someone in the community should develop their own set of religious tenets and rituals, that must be taught as well.

5.) WOMEN MAY BE STOPPED FROM HAVING ABORTIONS - Anyone may prevent anyone else from receiving a clinical abortion by surrendering one of their own children to be put up for adoption by the state. This will be on a one-to-one ratio -- for instance, to stop 5 abortions, you must surrender 5 of your own children.

6.) FAIRNESS IN MEDIA - Every film/tv show, etc., must be made in five different versions, rated from "G" to "NC-17." Your G-rated version of "Deep Throat" MUST contain nothing unsuitable for children, while your NC-17 "Passion of the Christ" will be required to include extreme sexual content.

7.) TRAVEL RESTRICTIONS - Communities may prevent any group of people from visiting their city or town. Under this law, homosexuals would not be allowed in places like Cobb County, GA, or Murfreesboro, TN, while heterosexuals will be excluded from places like New York City, NY, or San Francisco and Los Angeles, CA.

8.) "ADJUSTMENT CENTERS" - Each community will have available "adjustment centers" for each citizen. Should your teenage son declare his homosexuality, you may choose to send him to a governmentally sponsored camp to have his sexual orientation changed. However, you must also concurrently send his heterosexual sibling to a different camp designed to make him or her gay.

9.) GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES - If taxpayer money is being used for any project a citizen deems offensive, public funds must be immediately withdrawn. Therefore, if an artist creates a controversial work using government money, he/she will lose any and all public grants. At the same time, if the military creates a bomb or engages in a conflict that causes any objections, it must be scrapped or paid for through private donations only.

10.) PATIENT'S RIGHTS - If a person disagrees with a next-of-kin's or living will's instructions to remove an incapacitated person from life support, they can force the victim to remain alive by agreeing to having similar injuries inflicted upon themselves and submitting to the same life-extending procedures.

This all sounds pretty fair, right?

Mark Your Scorecards, Please.

Forigve this little geek-out, but I'm feeling a bit old today. When I first became a member of the cult of Macintosh (could it have really been 20 years ago?) the evil empire was IBM and their ubiquitous market-share-owning PC architecture, which forced the non-Mac masses into faceless, bland conformity. Microsoft was an Apple hero for creating "Word" and providing some crucial software to ensure that Macintosh did not go the way of the Betamax.

Fast forward a few years, and IBM had become the Mac's new best friend, creating the PowerPC chip that brought Macs into the new millenium. Microsoft took over as the Emperor of Mean, ripping off the Mac OS, dumbing it down, and then selling it as a thing called "Windoze" (in Mac parlance.) Law suits and ill will between the two companies became legendary, but it sort of petered out when Apple and Microsoft made a huge financial pact and pledged to work together. It was a troubled marriage -- Microsoft's next Mac version of their Office Suite was notorious for being insultingly un-Maclike and nearly impossible to use, but an uneasy peace prevailed between the two companies.

That meant a new enemy was required and Intel gladly stepped in. Not long ago, Mac pundits were quipping that the "Intel Inside" sticker was a warning label and Apple ads parodied Intel's "men in bunny" suits campaign by showing them being fried by the superior power of the Mac. The Intel-based world, in hundreds of op-eds, labeled the Mac an expensive vanity machine, while furiously copying Mac's innovations into the next releases of their own hardware. Apple pretended not to notice and married Unix instead -- and that's where it was for a while.

Today, Apple announced that by the end of 2007, all Macintosh computers will be running on Intel chips.

As they say, the more things change, the more they remain the same. Today's announcement leaves the "company to hate" position open. I've no doubt it will be filled, but by whom? There's always Microsoft, but that would be so "last century." -- Sony perhaps? They may win the crown by trying to topple the iPod as the MP3 player of choice. Motorola? That would have a satisfying circularity -- after all, they made the original 68K Mac chips. Any ideas out there? Who do you think it will be?

Gay! Gay! Gay!

Such a gay weekend I had! --Yet I never set foot in a bar nor had sex with anyone. Instead my gay weekend was cultural -- I saw documentaries about my two favorite drag performers at the Newfest -- an NYC gay film festival, and topped it off watching the Tonys.

Saturday night it was "The Lady in Question is Charles Busch" an excellent documentary on the playwright/downtown drag diva. Luckily, because of their own personal vanity (according to the Q&A afterwards) he and his theatrical cohorts videotaped all of their early productions in the East Village at Limbo Lounge. Thanks to this, we have a remarkable archive of the work, and the filmmakers made great use of it. For people who were there, it's a satisfying bit of nostalgia, and for those that weren't, a glimpse of what you missed.

Aside from the video treasures, the documentary also serves as an interesting biography, providing a lot of details that even his ardent fans may not know. It gives us a chance to meet Charles' partner, his sisters and many of the folks who were instrumental in making the "Theater in Limbo" the success that it was. As expected, the film is as funny and as charming as one of Charles Busch's characters, but what was unexpected were the touching moments -- a section on the effect of the AIDS crisis on his company, and a scary emergency heart operation that Charles went through last year gave the film depth and made it more than just the campy drag fest you'd expect -- and that's fitting, as Charles Busch's plays have always been way more than just people clomping around in heels.

A different viewpoint on drag performers was provided by "Kiki and Herb on the Rocks" - a "mockumentary" (God, I hate that word) about Kiki and Herb's London performances last year. Kiki and Herb may be the funniest duo ever to perform in the history of the world. (OK. maybe I'm exaggerating, but I've never laughed as hard as I have at Kiki and Herb shows.) Kiki (Justin Bond) and Herb (Kenny Mellman) take the scary lounge act to places that no one but they could have imagined. Their career culminated (so far) by dying last September at their "final" concert at Carnegie Hall. It was a performance I will never forget. People who saw Judy at Carnegie Hall will tell you that it was the greatest live performance of the twentieth century. -- Well, I was too young for that, but I did get to see Kiki, and now I know how they feel. I can only urge you to pick up the excellent double cd of the concert "Kiki and Herb Die for You."

I have to admit that the movie was not the greatest Kiki and Herb showcase I have seen, it was a bit unfocussed and ocasionally rambling, but mediocre Kiki and Herb are still better than most performers at their best. Please Justin and Kenny -- do a miraculous resurrection. Summer in NYC looks to be a dreary prospect without you.

What Charles Busch and Kiki and Herb share in common (and what, I think, makes me such a fan) is that they're so much more than mere drag queens. Charles, Justin and Kenny are consummate actors and playwrights. Charles' grand dame and Justin's hard drinking lounge singer are not simply drag personas -- they're fully realized people that we grow to love. The reference is a bit obscure, but it's sort of like Leslie Caron in the MGM musical "Lily." She falls unconditionally in love with the puppet characters at the circus where she works, but has a hard time dealing with the puppet master who has created and voices them. Charles' actress and Kiki are such fabulous creatures that you want to believe that they're real. They're so wonderful on their own that it creates a slight fear that the "real" Charles Busch or Justin Bond just won't be able to measure up. Luckily, in these cases, the fear is unfounded -- I have been lucky enough to speak with Charles and Justin briefly on a couple of occasions, and they are as warm and wonderful as you would hope.

Last night's Tony's were drab in comparison. There were few surprises and most of the choices seemed to be apt. (I will admit disappointment that Christopher Sieber didn't win but that's only because I think he's hot.) The cynical moment for me came when "La Cage" won over "Pacific Overtures" for Best Revival of a Musical. The only possible reason that could have happened is that "Pacific Overtures" has closed and they wanted to throw the still-running "La Cage" a Tony Box Office bump. If artistic merit was the only criteria, there is no way that would have happened. I loved the original production of "La Cage" (even though it robbed the Tony from "Sunday in the Park with George") but this current production seems like a watered-down discount tourist version of the show. It's a cheesy affair, designed to let red staters feel good about their tolerance of homosexuals while relieving them of some of that Republican cash. "Pacific Overtures" was intelligent and inventive, and BD Wong should have at least gotten a Best Actor nomination -- but that, as Sondheim would say, "is the state of the art."