My Modest Proposal
I've been learning a lot from the Christian Fundamentalists. It seems that every day, I read another proposal from them on how our society should be run. Although I may disagree with their conclusions, I admit their methods are fascinating. So I started to think what I might propose if I were a Homosexual Fundamentalist living in a world that accepted such a viewpoint. Here are my ideas:
1.) CRIMINALIZE DIVORCE - Although I wouldn't go so far as to outlaw heterosexual marriage, I do think that "marriage between one man and one woman" should be more strictly enforced. Therefore, my rules state that you get one marriage per lifetime -- Period. All of those "second wives" (Nancy Reagan et al) are just sinful in the eyes of God. After all Adam didn't divorce Eve after the whole apple-eating fiasco.
2.) ANYONE MAY DEMAND THE REMOVAL OF BOOKS THEY CONSIDER OFFENSIVE FROM THEIR LOCAL LIBRARY - For instance, I really see no redeeming value in the "Left Behind" series, so by written request I can have all of them removed from circulation. Think of all the taxpayer money that could be saved with this rule! In the same vein:
3.) SCHOOLS MUST AMEND THIER CURRICULUM TO TRULY REFLECT COMMUNITY STANDARDS - Every Summer, all adults in the School District will receive a questionnaire asking things like "How do you think the world was created?" for the Science class, and "What is the great American novel?" for the English lit class. The school must then give equal class time and importance to teaching each person's response. How proud (and yes, a little envious) I will feel every time I see those youngsters reading Jacqueline Susann's "Valley of the Dolls" for the first time.
4.) RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION WILL BE MANDATORY IN SCHOOLS - EVERY religion, that is -- including belief systems like Atheism, Satanism, Hare Krshna and Scientology. As with rule 3, if someone in the community should develop their own set of religious tenets and rituals, that must be taught as well.
5.) WOMEN MAY BE STOPPED FROM HAVING ABORTIONS - Anyone may prevent anyone else from receiving a clinical abortion by surrendering one of their own children to be put up for adoption by the state. This will be on a one-to-one ratio -- for instance, to stop 5 abortions, you must surrender 5 of your own children.
6.) FAIRNESS IN MEDIA - Every film/tv show, etc., must be made in five different versions, rated from "G" to "NC-17." Your G-rated version of "Deep Throat" MUST contain nothing unsuitable for children, while your NC-17 "Passion of the Christ" will be required to include extreme sexual content.
7.) TRAVEL RESTRICTIONS - Communities may prevent any group of people from visiting their city or town. Under this law, homosexuals would not be allowed in places like Cobb County, GA, or Murfreesboro, TN, while heterosexuals will be excluded from places like New York City, NY, or San Francisco and Los Angeles, CA.
8.) "ADJUSTMENT CENTERS" - Each community will have available "adjustment centers" for each citizen. Should your teenage son declare his homosexuality, you may choose to send him to a governmentally sponsored camp to have his sexual orientation changed. However, you must also concurrently send his heterosexual sibling to a different camp designed to make him or her gay.
9.) GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES - If taxpayer money is being used for any project a citizen deems offensive, public funds must be immediately withdrawn. Therefore, if an artist creates a controversial work using government money, he/she will lose any and all public grants. At the same time, if the military creates a bomb or engages in a conflict that causes any objections, it must be scrapped or paid for through private donations only.
10.) PATIENT'S RIGHTS - If a person disagrees with a next-of-kin's or living will's instructions to remove an incapacitated person from life support, they can force the victim to remain alive by agreeing to having similar injuries inflicted upon themselves and submitting to the same life-extending procedures.
This all sounds pretty fair, right?
1.) CRIMINALIZE DIVORCE - Although I wouldn't go so far as to outlaw heterosexual marriage, I do think that "marriage between one man and one woman" should be more strictly enforced. Therefore, my rules state that you get one marriage per lifetime -- Period. All of those "second wives" (Nancy Reagan et al) are just sinful in the eyes of God. After all Adam didn't divorce Eve after the whole apple-eating fiasco.
2.) ANYONE MAY DEMAND THE REMOVAL OF BOOKS THEY CONSIDER OFFENSIVE FROM THEIR LOCAL LIBRARY - For instance, I really see no redeeming value in the "Left Behind" series, so by written request I can have all of them removed from circulation. Think of all the taxpayer money that could be saved with this rule! In the same vein:
3.) SCHOOLS MUST AMEND THIER CURRICULUM TO TRULY REFLECT COMMUNITY STANDARDS - Every Summer, all adults in the School District will receive a questionnaire asking things like "How do you think the world was created?" for the Science class, and "What is the great American novel?" for the English lit class. The school must then give equal class time and importance to teaching each person's response. How proud (and yes, a little envious) I will feel every time I see those youngsters reading Jacqueline Susann's "Valley of the Dolls" for the first time.
4.) RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION WILL BE MANDATORY IN SCHOOLS - EVERY religion, that is -- including belief systems like Atheism, Satanism, Hare Krshna and Scientology. As with rule 3, if someone in the community should develop their own set of religious tenets and rituals, that must be taught as well.
5.) WOMEN MAY BE STOPPED FROM HAVING ABORTIONS - Anyone may prevent anyone else from receiving a clinical abortion by surrendering one of their own children to be put up for adoption by the state. This will be on a one-to-one ratio -- for instance, to stop 5 abortions, you must surrender 5 of your own children.
6.) FAIRNESS IN MEDIA - Every film/tv show, etc., must be made in five different versions, rated from "G" to "NC-17." Your G-rated version of "Deep Throat" MUST contain nothing unsuitable for children, while your NC-17 "Passion of the Christ" will be required to include extreme sexual content.
7.) TRAVEL RESTRICTIONS - Communities may prevent any group of people from visiting their city or town. Under this law, homosexuals would not be allowed in places like Cobb County, GA, or Murfreesboro, TN, while heterosexuals will be excluded from places like New York City, NY, or San Francisco and Los Angeles, CA.
8.) "ADJUSTMENT CENTERS" - Each community will have available "adjustment centers" for each citizen. Should your teenage son declare his homosexuality, you may choose to send him to a governmentally sponsored camp to have his sexual orientation changed. However, you must also concurrently send his heterosexual sibling to a different camp designed to make him or her gay.
9.) GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES - If taxpayer money is being used for any project a citizen deems offensive, public funds must be immediately withdrawn. Therefore, if an artist creates a controversial work using government money, he/she will lose any and all public grants. At the same time, if the military creates a bomb or engages in a conflict that causes any objections, it must be scrapped or paid for through private donations only.
10.) PATIENT'S RIGHTS - If a person disagrees with a next-of-kin's or living will's instructions to remove an incapacitated person from life support, they can force the victim to remain alive by agreeing to having similar injuries inflicted upon themselves and submitting to the same life-extending procedures.
This all sounds pretty fair, right?
posted by dps | 3:48 AM
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